Following My Heart...

Warning: Super long post about the future of my career and my heart’s work...

For the last 2 years I have been searching for a career change that would fill me mind, body, and soul. 2 weeks ago, I finally made that move and became the only Certified Compassionate Bereavement Care® (CBC) Provider in the St. Louis and surrounding area. Compassionate Bereavement Care is a mindfulness-based non-medicalized approach to traumatic grief.

I received training on providing support to those affected by grief, especially traumatic grief (suicide, homicide, the death of a child at ANY age, and any other loss that is sudden/unexpected/or has a prolonged grieving process). I felt honored to learn from Dr. Joanne Cacciatore, a world leader in the subject of traumatic grief. The program was a collaboration between Dr. Cacciatore's MISS Foundation, The Elizabeth Kübler-Ross Family Trust, and The Center for Loss and Trauma.

Many of you may know, some may not, but a little over 2 years ago I lost my sister to suicide.

This was a very traumatic event and I was not only completely devastated and shattered, but I was also in an awkward place as I became pregnant within a month of this tragic loss. I went from the absolute worst and darkest time of my life to what was supposed to be the best time of my life. But it wasn't. It couldn't be. Because I had never fully processed the grief or had anyone to walk through my journey with me. 2 1/2 years later and I still haven't shared my whole experience with another soul.

It took me nearly 1 1/2 years after the loss of my sister (10 months after the birth of my beautiful baby girl), to realize that what I thought might be postpartum depression or anxiety or simply the struggles of a new mother, might be unprocessed grief. Once I became aware of this and I could look at it directly, I finally began to see some light.

It became increasingly important to me to figure out how I could keep that from happening to others. I knew what a long and hard journey that was for me, and I was fortunate enough to have an amazing support system that wanted to help, they just had no idea how! I was also strong and determined to get some footing, but I know not everyone has that in them, especially in those kinds of times.

I searched and searched for months for something that made sense and also sang to my broken heart. In December I finally found just that. I came across the Compassionate Bereavement Care provider course and as I read through the program description I got chills and just knew that this was it. Throw in that it was 4 days in the beautiful and healing community of Sedona, AZ and I was sold. All I had to do was convince them that I was a viable candidate for their selective program.

I applied and received confirmation that I was accepted into the program right before Christmas and felt like it would take forever for the time to get here!! Like always though, before I knew it I was boarding a plane and heading to Sedona for a week of intense training AND healing.

I hate that I had to go through my experience and would give everything back to have my sister back with me, but I am grateful to have pulled myself back out of the depths of the darkness and found a way to hold space for others struggling through the same.

If you or anyone you know have suffered a loss, especially traumatic, please contact me to see if I can help. Feel free to share this post if you feel it could help another avoid additional struggle.